Wednesday, November 30, 2011

First Light

I keep going back to Black Horse.

I don't know why.

Yes, I do. Because it's habit, and because Lucy said Mike might write something soon and I wanted to honor that.

But we are coming up on a month since Carmon left us and there is just the sad notice of her going and nothing more.

I notice that I am not the only one visiting her blog day after day... and I visit your blogs and your life goes on, as mine does without mention of Carmon... because what is there to say of grief to friends and readers who did not know her? And we don't know each other in many cases... so where can we go to grieve and speak of her and rejoice in having known such an incredible person?

God knows what Mike is going through, what their animals 'know'... what emotion shrouds her mountain. But I hope this will be a place where we can connect and honor Carmon.... a small touchstone where we can share what we need to and say our 'Goodbye's' together.



  1. Robin, thank you for creating this blog. What a wonderful idea for those of us who followed along with her for so long that we felt like we knew her. She shared so much with us, it was easy to do.

    Tijeras, NM

  2. And Lisa... thanks for being here. Hopefully, more will follow you.

  3. Thank you Robin, for making this. Carmon was a beautiful woman that I did meet once... I was devastated that she lost this battle. I really thought she would make it. I pray for Mike and the rest of their family, including the animals. I'm still very very sad she's gone, and I can't imagine how they're feeling right now.
    She was very very loved by many people.

  4. This was a great idea Robin. Thank you for sharing it with all of us. Carmon was such a strong and sensitive woman...a real loss to this world. My concern is for Mike and how the animals can be kept at Star's Rest when he has to travel so much. They need their home and to be together. I would imagine they are feeling Carmon's presence. I hope when he is able, Mike will let us know how things are going. I spoke to him on the phone over a year ago, but nothing since. I will not forget Carmon.

  5. I agree. This is a wonderful idea and truly a memorial to Carmon. Yes, I, too, worry about the animals.

  6. Dear Robin, Thank you for doing this. Like many others, I never met Carmon in person but felt a kinship through her love of her animals, so evident in her beautiful blog posts. Someone once told me that the dead are at peace, the pain is for the living. May Carmon and her beloved Star be at peace, meandering through sunny pastures together. May her family find solace in remembering the good times they had with her. Thank you, Robin.

  7. Robin and friends,
    What a thoughful idea this is and how wonderful to see us all gathered here. I think that for us it's a bit like gathering after a memorial service to remember and share. It's comforting to know that we all miss Carmon and wish to connect in her honor.

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  9. Hello to all Carmon’s friends. I'm so moved by this blog and know that Carmon would be as well. Actually, I think she IS moved by it, as I feel she is close by -- just in a place that we cannot physically see her.

    Carmon and I were friends for 38 years. It's hard to imagine that so much time has passed, it seems like just a few years ago that we met. She was like a sister to me and I will miss her the rest of my life. Perhaps it was her attitude about it, perhaps it was my own desire for her to have long-term survival, but I'd simply not entertained the idea that she would not beat this disease. As she lay in hospice that last week, she often looked as though she were just sleeping. I kept expecting her to wake up and say “Lucy” with the amused and affectionate lilt she’d always used for my name. And I would have said "Hey,Charmin’” -- for the nickname I’d given her years ago – “Charmin’ Carmon.”

    I went up to Mora for a few days after Carmon's passing, and was treated to the amazing hospitality of Carolyn, a horsewoman and another close friend of Carmon’s. Mike says he plans to stay in Mora for the winter, and will absolutely make sure that all the animals are cared for. I stay in touch with Anne, Carmon’s friend and neighbor, who says that all is as well as it can be under the circumstances. We are all grieving her loss.

    While in Mora I got to meet some of Carmon’s women friends in the area. We had a wonderful get-together at Carolyn's, sharing stories of Carmon. Not surprisingly, all were strong, intelligent women with an intense bond to animals.

    I met the dogs that I’d only read about on her blog: Dulce, Duffy, and Coli. Carmon’s dogs were always so cool, and include some of my favorite dogs ever. I fell madly in love with Dulce! She IS the sweetest thing. I've not known many bulldogs in my life (and didn't know they shed), but if Dulce is any indication they are a special breed. I saw the horses, but didn’t interact with them as they were eating and I didn’t want to disturb them. Much as I love horses, I’m not the horsewoman that Carmon was and since I don't know her horses well, felt it best to admire them from a distance.

    All I know about plans for a memorial service in New Mexico is that it will be sometime in spring. This is entirely right as far as I am concerned – spring was Carmon’s time of year. Her birthday was April 6 but more than that she was always energized by spring and loved it so. Carmon told me this past August that she'd like to be cremated and have her ashes scattered on her property. She mentioned it very casually, in a conversation we had about my mom's recent passing. I found out later I was the only one she'd said this to, but Mike knows exactly the spot she would want. I haven’t talked more with Mike about it. He is an intensely private person. Carmon understood that as she also had a need for a great deal of time alone. No doubt this was in part why they got along so well.

    There are two ways I’d like to memorialize Carmon. I’d like to have a celebration of her life, her work, and her art in Central Texas because so many friends and family are in this area. That celebration will be in summer because, as her sister reminds me, it should involve tubing. Tubing on the rivers here was one of Carmon’s favorite activities back in the day.

    I’d also like to join with all friends of Carmon’s from around the world in a cause to honor her life and love of animals. I imagine wild horse rescue or something like that, but you all will likely know best. And whether it’s cash contributions and/or letter writing, blogging, etc, I feel she would love to know that we are serving as champions of animals in her honor.

    Let’s exchange ideas about what that animal-related cause would be and how we could honor Carmon in supporting it.

    Thank you all for loving Carmon and appreciating her work so much. Aren’t we blessed to have her treasure trove of photos and writing to share?

  10. Thank you, Robin, for thinking of this wonderful way for us to share our love and respect for Carmon. I, too, have continued to visit her site, hoping for an update, missing her very vital presence in our midst. I didn't know Carmon in person either, but through her blog and a few emails we exchanged, I felt I knew her better than a lot of people I do know personally. I'm so glad you have provided this place where we can gather to remember and honor her.

  11. To all of you... thank you for being here. I checked my email at work and cried in my car because more and more of you keep responding.

    I think Allison is right.. it IS like gathering after a memorial service and regretfully... I'm the one who brought the nasty chicken casserole.